Sixty Seconds in the Driveway

There is a difference between being home and being present. Your kids already know which one you are.

You pull in at six. The engine is off, but your head is still at work. The last patient, the last email, the number that did not come in. You walk through the door carrying all of it, and the first person who says something to you gets the leftovers.

Most nights nobody says anything. Your son notices anyway.

What present looks like at six o'clock

Home is where your body is at the end of the day. Present is where your attention is.

Present is ordinary. It is a Tuesday. You get down on the floor. You hear the whole story about recess without looking at your phone. Your wife tells you about her day, and you ask a second question.

All of it fits inside the time you already spend at home. It only takes a man who actually walked in.

The reset I used between patients

For over thirty years I have walked from one treatment room to the next. The person in the second room deserves my full attention, whatever happened in the first one. So between rooms, I reset.

Your front door is the same kind of doorway. The people on the other side of it deserve the man you meant to be when you left this morning.

Sixty seconds in the driveway

Here is the whole practice. Engine off, before you open the car door.

1. Breathe. Six breaths, four counts in and eight counts out. The long exhale tells your nervous system the workday is over. Release tension, set intention.
2. Pray. One sentence. Hand God the day, the good and the unfinished.
3. Decide. Name one thing the man walking through that door will do. "I will listen to the whole story." "I will hug my wife before I check the mail."

Then go in.

Some nights it takes longer than sixty seconds. Stay in the car until you are ready to walk in present.

Why the body has to come along

Your nervous system does not know the day ended because the clock says five. It needs a signal, and the long exhale is that signal. Your heart rate comes down. Your shoulders drop. Your face changes.

I have had my hands on people for over thirty years. I can feel a hard day in a man's neck and shoulders. His family can see it from across the kitchen, before he says a word.

Before all of it

Center yourself in Christ. "Be still, and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10). Sixty seconds of stillness in a parked car counts.

If you do not share my faith, take the same minute in plain terms. Sit quietly with who you intend to be for the people inside.

Here is the play for this week. Do the driveway sixty seconds every night, Monday through Friday. On Saturday, ask your wife one question: "Did you notice anything different this week?" Then listen for sixty seconds without defending yourself.

Let's get to work.

Yours In Health and High Performance, Dr Howard Dennis, DC, CHPC

If you want to know what is pulling against your follow-through, the free Initiative Indicator scores the ten forces behind it and shows you the three to work on first. Take the free Initiative Indicator